confessions of a stalker

"i see you". thats a line from the movie "avatar" where the characters say it to express their love and presence for each other. i wish i could do the same for you. say "i see you" then run my fingers on your face and make you feel my presence. but thats fantasy. i know it will never happen.

everyday i see you in your office or shall i say i look for you rather. the only reason i pass by that hall where your office is in is because of you. everyday i want to see the smile on your face. its like the effect of coffee in the morning. it keeps me running all day. and even on days when your having a bad day i still feel joy. i think it makes you more human than a person who hides their anger, pain and misery. it makes you the opposite of me. i can see the warmth of this world through you. your emotions feed my hunger for life. youre the sunshine on my rain. the only problem is all i can do is to look at you.

one night after your work i saw you outside the gate. i couldnt help but notice every move you make. your every step seems like a bridge connecting me to you so i traced every step. the further you walk the closer im getting to you. then i can smell your perfume. it intoxicates me. its like a drug filling my bloodstream with a high. you stopped walking for a while and looked behind and i panicked. i felt my heart stopped when you glanced at me and i froze.  you continued walking till your far again. i tried catching up but i couldnt risk you noticing my intentions.

you crossed the street and waited for a jeep and i had a problem. i was there standing on the other side thinking should i continue following you? or should i postpone this and hope that i get another opportunity to do this again?

a jeep stopped in front of you and you entered it. i quickly  crossed the street but the jeep started moving and i was left behind. i saw you looking at me. you tried to stop the jeep but it was too late. the driver didnt stop.

i was devastated as i walk home. my mind was full of thoughts. the pain of never getting in that vehicle with you. but as i think back i was filled with joy when i saw you trying something inevitable just for me. the gesture of stopping that vehicle for me. i knew then that we had a connection. a short but memorable connection at least for me.

i can still remember the scent of your perfume that made me high, the smile that got me going and the glance that almost gave me a heart attack. oh i wish i could have more but when i saw your facebook account i saw someones arm around you. the hope that i felt turned temporary. i got broken.